Make the Wait Worth It

weddingI keep writing about the same subject, but perhaps it’s as helpful as writing about the reflections in the many facets of the same gem. Here we go again!

I fall, sometimes, into the dangerous trap of seeing Oliver’s conversion as a goal which, once attained, will make my life easier and more enjoyable. I would be able to hang religious images in my house, and I might have someone who can take Lillian out of Mass if when she becomes unruly. I might be able to create family celebrations around feast days. I might be able to pray over my dinner, or hold a rosary in a thunderstorm without being questioned. I subconsciously think that if I can just hold on until that moment, then my entire life would be renovated and made new.

But that’s selfish.

Extremely selfish, I might add. I ought to desire Oliver’s conversion solely because I think it will do him good to have a relationship with a person, Jesus Christ, and be able to ultimately inherit eternal life with Him. It’s wrong of me to ever view my husband’s spiritual life as a problem to be fixed. The view is too narrow. I should always be praying for him in every aspect of his life.

The goal mindset also discounts God’s ability to use this indeterminate wait to allow me to grow in holiness and shape me into someone entirely new. Someone who may be able to more consistently rise above her selfishness to desire the ultimate good, even at tremendous cost to herself, of her spouse.

My homegirl, Servant of God Elizabeth Leseur says this of the same trial in which I have been living:

And then one’s self-love does not like a state of things that makes one less esteemed and appreciated and apparently unequal to one’s task. That perhaps is the true, hidden fruit of this trial: a little useful humiliation, less dangerous sympathy and admiration, very deep pain that does not elicit any praise.

Y’all. Don’t waste the wait.

Trust God and allow him to infuse your wait with meaning. There is no “happily ever after” here. We are all pilgrims. There is only more journey.

[Funny story. Oliver and I were married as two non-Christian, unbaptized people in a Catholic Church before the Blessed Sacrament by a Church of Christ minister. It sounds like it could be the start of a joke. For serious.]

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8 thoughts on “Make the Wait Worth It

  1. I know exactly what you mean. I too keep praying for my husband’s conversion, but have to remind myself of why I am praying that intention. I need to remember not to be selfish in my desire. Thank you for sharing such an honest and beautiful post!

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  2. Oh Rachel! Even if it is for selfish reasons, this is *exactly* the kind of prayer God will answer in the affirmative! He loves your husband and wants a relationship with him even more than you do – as you well know 🙂 I know the feeling though… when we were dating, I was committed to my faith and but my husband (then boyfriend) had no relationship with Jesus and I had promised myself and others that I wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t give his heart to Christ. So my prayers were a tad bit desperate because I wanted him to find his own relationship with our Lord, so that I could continue my relationship with him! Long story short – the day he said yes to Jesus will forever be etched in my memory. Many tears of joy were shed 🙂 May I join in praying with you for him?

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  3. “Infusing your wait with meaning” is so much better than just simply “waiting around”. I think it’s what He desires of us — to be active even in the midst of waiting. Thanks for linking up with Blessed is She this week!

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  4. Hi! I found your blog through Blessed is She. I’m so glad I did (or the Holy Spirit pointed me this way). I am in a similar situation. My husband is not Catholic. I converted after we were married. The difference in faith is painful, but I love him so much and know that we’re both where God wants us to be … helping each other to grow. Thanks so much for the not wasting the waiting reminder. One of the gifts of the internet is being a supportive community even though we may live far from each other (I live near Niagara Falls, Canada). I will pray for you and your family. My husband’s conversion seems impossible to me. Finally realizing that, I started to let go and give it to God … things that are impossible for me are God solveable problems 🙂 This is where I get to work on the patience I am sorely lacking in 🙂 Again … thanks for the not wasting the wait reminder. That seems to speak to a number of different areas of my life. Looking forward to following your blog.

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    • Thanks so much for stopping by! You are so right about the internet being a gift. I would feel so, so alone without the internet. My husband’s conversion seems impossible to me, too. He can be at times hostile and antagonistic towards faith. I’m trying to accept that he may never convert during my lifetime, but to keep praying and trusting in God regardless. God has his reasons for everything…he probably knew I wouldn’t pray nearly as much if my husband was at least supportive of my faith! That God…he knows stuff. 🙂

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